It took me awhile to write this post. It’s never easy going through any type of loss, but if you’re like me and you are also using invitro-fertilization (IVF) to get pregnant, there’s just an extra little sting. This might be a trigger for some and it’s not currently a happy story, but if this is encouraging in any way I wanted to share our story.

Our Miscarriage Story

If you’ve been following our IVF Journey, you know that I have a rare uterine condition called a unicornuate uterus. It prevents me from getting pregnant naturally so we needed to use IVF to conceive. We started our first cycle in April of 2020. You can read all about our journey here.

In July of 2020, we had our first embryo transfer and 9 days later we were fortunate to learn that we were in fact pregnant. We had our viability test at the fertility clinic and all was going well. Once you’re pregnant you continue seeing the fertility doctor for 9 weeks because they want to make sure the pregnancy will likely continue.

Well we graduated from the fertility clinic, which was a great sign. We started meeting with a regular OB and a high risk OB because of my uterus. All was going well at our 10-week appointment, and we set up a first trimester test that would fall at the 12-week mark.

The sad day happened at this appointment, at the high risk OB’s office. It was supposed to be an appointment to check on the health of the baby and to gauge if it will be healthy at birth. Unfortunately, at this ultrasound appointment I learned that our baby no longer had a heartbeat.

These appointments are just the absolutely worst. Not only was I meeting with a doctor I didn’t know, in an unfamiliar office, but at my previous appointment the ultrasound tech reassured me so quickly, and I knew instantly at this appointment, when the tech was keeping quiet and taking so so many photos that it couldn’t be good. Then they leave you there alone to get dressed and meet with the doctor who then tells you some of the worst news of your life.

We found out that our baby had actually passed 10 days prior to that appointment and we missed the miscarriage. I don’t know what it’s like to have a natural miscarriage, but I can share my experience with a missed one. This experience meant the tiniest spotting ever about a week before my 12 week appointment, which did not line up with the 10 days prior so who knows what that was about. It also meant I needed to have a D and C to remove the “products of conception”. Because the tissue had been in there so long, they wanted to get the D and C done rather quickly.

I had to do the prep for a procedure in the hospital and undergo a minor surgery in the OR to remove the products of conception. Ps. I really hate that term.

Surgery

If you’ve never had a D and C, it is basically when the surgeon (but I learned that almost all OBs are trained to do this procedure) goes into your uterus through the cervix and essentially scrapes out the contents under the guidance of an ultrasound machine. There can be many reasons for this procedure so I’ve been told they’re actually fairly common, but I’m sure a missed miscarriage is a primary reason for one. I’m not a doctor though, so don’t quote me.

In a way, I’m kind of glad it was a missed miscarriage because I didn’t have to experience what others go through. However, I wish this first D and C had been it. After recovering for about a day from the procedure, I still didn’t feel completely right so they had me go in for a follow-up ultrasound, which led to learning that all the contents were not completely cleaned out.

So I had to go in for another D and C 10 days after the first one. September 10th and September 20th, I’ll never forget.

The doctor assured me that he was able to fully clean it out and I was told I just needed to heal.

Next Steps

So my fertility doctor wanted me to call when I got my next period. So I did, but the doctor wanted me to heal up a little more, I think because it came sooner than they expected. So I waited another month, went on the pill when I started my period and was about to start preparing for another transfer.

Part of this involved a little test at the fertility doctor’s and an ultrasound. Well it was at this ultrasound, that we learned there was still some tissue left in there. Which, of course, meant that I needed another D and C.

So I had a D and C right before Christmas, this time with ultrasound and camera guidance. I was told, again, that they think they got it all and we’ll see what happens at my follow up appointment.

To be Continued..

Honestly, this has all been a bit of a rollercoaster and I don’t wish it on anyone. However, I still have so much hope and I’m beyond grateful for that. I’m sad, of course, but when you are going through infertility it all kind of feels like it’s surreal. It’s hard to believe any part of it because it’s like you’re consistently protecting your heart throughout the whole thing.

Even still, I have such a peace that I’ll be a mother and the Lord is with me and for that I am so grateful. This is still just the beginning of our journey so stay tuned to see what God has in store for us and how this will all continue.